I lay here, wide awake, whilst the rest of the world is sleeping. Exhausted, ready for my eyes to close, and to drift off into sleep. Lights on. Lights off. Lights on again. Thinking this would work, I settled down again and close my eyes. No luck here. Shame on me!
Eyes open, staring at nothing, lights turn on, filling the darkness with a small amount of light. I sit up in bed, stretch out my pillows, and open my laptop. Typing away, I think to myself, 'There is no point sleeping now when I will be up in less than 5 hours. I can just sleep on the flight, in the hotel. when everyone is enjoying their trip, yeah, I will sleep!' Not a good idea.
I don't want to miss all this excitement. I am going back home. After more than two months away. And I am taking Nat and Charly, to visit me. Show them that I can be a strong and great role model to them. Show how I live independently. There are perks and hardships. But that is normal, as that comes with growing up. Becoming your own person, experiencing new adventures, creating and exploring your surroundings. Make mistakes, and learn from them. Treat those, the way you want to be treated. Respect and appreciate those that love you and support you, those that are always there for you. Don't take us for granted. It is all worth it, you won't be disappointed.
I guess I went off on a little rant. Took a detour to get to the point. I can't sleep. And I am worried that I won't wake up in 4 hours to my alarm if I sleep now. However, I would try, as I knew that all I needed was to write. And it is working. The more I write, the more my eyes drift off.
It's been a while since I last made a post. trust me, I know. I've just been busy, and so sad lately. Kept putting off writing, which I regret. I've missed the feel of the buttons under my fingertips, and my fingers dancing around on the keyboard. As if they know where to go before I even think.
Listening to Elton John songs, through Rocketman. Feeling peaceful. Especially after the many panic and stress attacks that I keep having. My anxiety is shooting through the roof of my skull. Dizziness, lack of breath, the rush of fidgets.
There I go again. Straying from the path, of the topic.
Thanks to those that still read, and keep up to date. Also to those that come across my page. Don't be afraid to send me a message, or email me.
See you soon...I will try and sleep now, even if it is only to nap for three hours.
P.S. There is no reason to worry. It helps me to write down how I feel. True, it doesn't always work the way you want. But you got to work at it, and you'll get there. Just hold on and believe that you can get through and survive on the other side. That is what I believe, and I'll get there. x
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