i couldnt see, i couldnt scream, i couldnt get you off.
why, why, why,
was it my fault that i drank too much,
was it my fault that my friends drugged me,
was it my fault that i wasnt strong enough.
why, why, why.
i tired to push you off, but i was paralyzed,
was it my fault that it happened before, so you thought it was your turn to do it again.
why didnt you leave me when i said, "no, no, no, no"
did you like the power you thought you had,
did you like torturing young girls, making them screaming, hurt and torcherd for life.
did you like that i was lost in the dark,
no one to guide me out, and help me regain my life, my strength and power.
you just saw me standing there, all alone, no one to care for me, and drunk out of my mind.
the first thought to you, wasnt, "i've got to get her home. ive got to get her some help"
no, you just wanted to get in my pants, you wanted to hear me scream, to be so numb inside, to lose all feeling forever and hate myself for letting you do that to me.
it doesnt matter that i was intoxicated, or that i was screaming in pain, that i said no, so many times.
what you gained, was the pain on my face, the power you felt in your heart, and with every suckering thrust, you laughted at me.
when you were done, you made sure you were clean, presentable, then you walked away, slaming the door shut.
you left me there, bent over someones bed, knickers down, shirt ripped, and no bra insight. no looking behind, you left me there, drained of light, dead. wanting to be swallowed, and now, i am stuck even further down my grave, trying to get out.
you did it, beacuse others had done it before, and you thought it was your turn.
but why, why couldnt you think better, done fucking better, left me be, and gone away. no, you had to have me, not for pleasure but for power, pain and death.
i see you in my head, when i try and sleep, flash backs to the moments that you and others touched me even though i said no. you did it anyway. i cant look at my body, without seeing the shame, feeling like its not my body anymore. i see your face, but i dont remember you, not your name, where we were, and why it happened.
when i look at myself in the mirror, all i see are your hands, exploring where they shouldnt be. judging what i have, and lashings of words of hate towards me, as if i was yours to punish.
i hate me. i hate my body. even though i pretend i like me.
i cant let anyone get to close, as youve scared me into thinking no one will like me again. to find love, passion and companionship.. i cant even let a guy or girl in to see me, want me, be with me, without getting scared that they will turn out to be you, or like you.
you killed me, and you laughted at my pain.
you pushed yourself in me, when i said no.
you gained power, where i lost love, and the will to live.
and still, years go by, and your still here. blocking me out of all good that i could still have.
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