How to move on with the pain in my heart, I feel like I constantly go around in a toxic circle. It is never-ending, and I can't escape it even when someone makes me think I can get out.
What do you do when you try for someone's heart, that clearly doesn't want it? You give them chance after chance to want it, but they let you down, time after time. We are in a toxic circle.
Do I let him go, and move on with my life? Find a better me, a better life, or stay and fight to see another day. Trying and trying to show him what we can be, even if he doesn't believe it.
I am trying to think about where I could have been if I didn't rekindle this relationship, the people I could be meeting, the places I could be seeing and the experiences I could be having.
Reaching for someone's love, that can't love themselves enough to love you back can be toxic. You're trying to get to their heart like you have given them yours, your heart is theirs, and what do they do? They hold it in their hand and crush it. They say that they don't mean it, that they aren't in the right mind, but why lead me on, thinking that I stand a chance, and then you crush my soul? I know that you have a lot on, but I will never let you or anyone treat me the way that you did, ever again. And I sure hope, you don't treat others the way that you treated me.
Giving up and moving on from someone, letting them go can do more good. Letting them go, doesn't mean that you love them any less, it just means that you love yourself more. Even though you believe that one day you could have been something, something great, you can't push it on someone that doesn't want to trust you. You are losing yourself, trying to cling to a love that you desire. A love that you know you deserve, but aren't getting from this person.
I am going around in a vicious circle, with no escape code. So I got out. I loved him, but I was losing myself, and I needed to get out. And I did. It is hard, and I am sad because I know that I will miss him. But I will not miss the feeling and hurt that he caused me.
I already feel hopeful, I have started a new job that I am loving, full hours, three or four days a week, and I use the gym when I am not working. I am focusing on myself, not him, not him anymore. I need to think about myself.
I feel lighter, and I am back to my writing. And god have I missed this.
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