top of page
Search

today is for the ages

Writer's picture: Bjørk O'HaraBjørk O'Hara

woke up at 8 am,

Took a call from my boss.

walked towards the bathroom,

to head back into bed.

no food entered my body,

so I sleep till 10.

coffee washing down my pills,

whilst I sit in my bed.

I lay down, and hide under my sheets,

waiting for the darkness to swallow me.

I lay there, beneath the water,

letting the world disappear.

with one spare hand,

my fingers reach out from under the covers,

reaching for life.

instead, I gain my laptop in my hands,

pulling it closer, almost inside me.

reaching above, pulling myself up,

I slowly slide upwards, towards the sky.

sitting up in bed, I flatten my covers around me,

like a tomb, hiding my shape.

tummy rumbles, moving my hand over, covering up the pain.

slip a sweet in my mouth,

the sick sweet feeling relives my hunger.

nothing works, slowly pull my thumb up to my mouth, and bite down hard.

pain explodes, shooting throughout my body.

hitting all my walls, nerves, and heart,

my soul disappears and reappears, in a matter of minutes.

taking a breath and shallow breath in,

I open up my laptop.

starting my writing, but no words come out.

'i'll take a tiny break, and come back.' I say,

although not really hearing my words.

worried that no words left my mouth, I say it louder.

shook erupts my thoughts,

watch movie after movie,

listen to music on repeat.

stare into nothing,

wishing me to move.

lunch it is, but nothing comes.

no food, no drink.

sleep, music and nothing.

nothing in my mind,

can't think, or I think way too much.

why can't I stop, take a breath, and relax?

it's late now, past 22:30 at night,

I've done not a thing all day.

I feel pathetic and useless.


but of course, I know I'm not. I'm ok, and I know I am great. but in these moments, I cant seem to think about anything else. I can't do anything, I'll lay there, staring at nothing. it sucks. I'd rather do anything than this. sometimes we all need those days where we don't do anything. but, I hate it the most, when there are two options. there's the first one, where you choose to do nothing all day. and that's great. but there are also the days when you literally can't do anything. you can't even move.


I head downstairs slowly

and say hi to those that understand.

make my way to the kitchen, turn the kettle on,

I make a tea, then move towards the stairs, saying a quick night.

then disappearing hurriedly up the stairs, and rushing behind the open door.

getting into bed, after drawing the curtains closed, open up my laptop,

and I start to type.

'i can do this!'

once I start I don't stop.


drinking my tea, I type. I feel slowly better. I can definitely do more, once I start writing. maybe not get out of bed, eat anything, have a shower or interact with others. but I can use my brain, keeping it active, and away from thinking about sadder things. baby steps. but I know that I will always get to the other side.

though it will be hard, and sometimes I won't think that or say it or believe it, but in the way back of my mind, ill know. I will always know, that I can make it.


and so can you!



19 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Who's My Love?

It is hard to start a new relationship when all I have known are bad ones. But when I met My Love, it was like my heart knew before my...

When will it get better?

It has been going bad again. Lately, I have felt so down in the dumps. I am so sad and angry, that I cry most days, and I sometimes go...

Finally going well

Things are finally going well for me. Well, it is starting to fall into place. Let me tell you about it; After going from bad to worst in...

Comments


Post: Blog2_Post
bottom of page