How to stop something that you started years ago, and haven't told your family?
I don't know why I haven't said anything over the years, I guess it is just easier to keep things to yourself, than share the past. When I think I am ready to share, I cram up and say nothing. And without going into too much detail, without writing the actual words. I will try and explain what I am talking about.
What I do, is dangerous, I know! I've read about it. And I know that it isn't good. But because I started years ago, I can't seem to stop. Now it just happens, anytime. I have no control.
It doesn't happen all the time, but I still don't have any control over it when it comes.
I can't say anymore, right now!
But I know that those that read this, will ask me what's wrong, but I ask, you not to. I am not ready. Even though, I have dropped the ball many times and been scared that someone would figure it out before I had the chance to fix it myself. And once I have fixed it, I wouldn't have to say anything. But I have tripped up too many times, that I felt that I needed to write it down. Even if others read this post. I needed it out. I guess it's kind of like a cry for help. I just don't know how I need this help, how to ask for it, or even if I want this help.
I can feel it, crawling up, and it makes me feel sick. I can feel it at the back of my throat. I don't have many words, I am slightly worried about the comeback of concerns from those I LOVE.
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