Surrogate Grandma

I remember packing my bags, full of excitement, and joy about the travel ahead. Fighting with my sister, about who got to sit in the front and who had to sit in the back, all alone. It was always me. Ocean, that's her name, the sea. Cool name, I've always loved it. So strong, unique and powerful.

She would get car sick, so she claimed the front seat next to mum. I'd be mad, but I'd suck it up, and look out of the window, as the street lights turned into big, tree trunks of beautiful countryside. And i knew that we were almost there. On our way to Grandma's and Grandad's house.

You see, Liz and Derek, that's their names. They're aren't blood realties, but they were best friends with my Grandparents, before my mum's mum's past away, when i was younger. I've always had them in my life, we are close. And even though we aren't blood related, they are our, my grandparents. And i love them.

My Grandma, she's sick. And she isn't getting any better. She is actually getting worse, and we don't have long left with her. So we are left to think about the good times, when we laughed and weren't sad. When we danced and didn't cry. When we made art, full of beauty, trees and calmest views, we bonded.

My sister and I, would visit many times over the years, stay for a night, weekends, half terms. We loved it there. Their garden was like a magical place, and we could disappear from the world, inside our own minds and the world we created inside that garden.

I went there a couple times alone, without my sister. It was different, but i loved it all the same. Loved their hugs, their warm smiles, the food. And just feeling at peace, doing sudoku and word searches with Derek, him calling me "monkey" and Liz asking me, if I've got a boyfriend or someone I'm interested in.

I remember making a dish, "Shepard's pie" and being so excited to make it for them, that we all went food shopping for the ingredients, Ocean, grandparents and I, huddled in the car and spread off towards to shops. We bought every single last ingredient needed, and headed back home. Not forgetting a pudding of some sort. I'd tell them to relax and i made them cups of tea. I said that I'd let them know when i was done. It smelled delicious, was vegetarian, for Ocean sake, and i was so proud.

We ate, until there was nothing left, our bellies full, and complaining of being smothered from the lack of oxygen inside our stomaches. But we didn't care. We ate ice cream Infront of the T.V, and enjoyed each other's company.

The weeks are turning into days, and the days into hours. Not sure how long we have with Liz, but we will cherish the time that we got to share in her amazing life. And we will help guide Derek through it all.

I am going to make it back for the funeral, that's not optional, i need to be there. For Liz, for Derek, for my family and for myself. Closure, being there for everyone, helping us all get to terms with our loss.

I will always remember her beautiful smile, the way she affected me and how i grew up, and the rule she took on for all of us, when Nanny passed away. She loved us, and we loved her. Always and forever. I loved the stories that she told, about her life with Derek, the adventures they went on. But the story that i always asked about, was how the both of them met and fell in love.

She's not gone, never will. She'll live with us forever.

But, she is still holding on, even though I can tell she is in pain. So i say, if you really are in so much pain, you can go. Be at peace, we love you, and we will look after Derek. Go be with your cat, we will all see you one day, when it is our turn to pass.