Another night, where I was stolen of my sleep.
Food that should go through me, lay under my chair, in a bowl.
Collecting dust, as it withers away.
I am perched on the end of my make-shift bed,
Whilst I stare at my screen.
Wishing for something, anything, to help me sleep.
No luck!
Biting my nails short, staring at my bedside clock,
as time ticks by, thinking that it would help.
How stupid was I?
Almost 4 am, my Far, will be here at 10 am.
why sleep at all?!
Mind Is empty, blank, there's nothing left inside me.
Since my cousins left, I have been redirecting my pain.
Not sure what to do with it.
Hold it in, say it out loud? or just report in my blog.
I've decided to report and write about it.
I have these moments where I get rushed back,
where all the bad happened, and I am stuck there.
Reliving the whole ordeal.
Listening non-stop to sad, depressing music,
walking around in silence,
spending days locked away, with only my mind, laptop and memories.
Yesterday I wrote a list of things that I wanted to achieve by this time next year.
I was so happy and excited,
But trust me to mistake that.
I will be fine, I am a working process, we all are. At least we are at one or more times in our lives. I am working on the list and getting the help I need.
But some days are harder, slower, and more dreading. And others are full of life, laughter and soul.
I could plan and think positive, and within a couple of minutes, that could change.
From positive thinking, goodness, and heart, to sadness, the dark, and negativeness.
I sometimes think, about how my life would have been without this pain and tortured soul.
How all I need to be is more positive and think about the goodness in the world.
It's not that I always think negative, but more that I can't seem to think about the positives of life. I am doing better than before, as I see more good, but sometimes to pain is just too strong and swallows me whole.
I guess that a couple of hours of sleep is better than none at all. I guess, goodnight.
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