Tbh, it's hard to do the duties of a maid of honor in another Country. But i try my best.
I'm struggling for what to write for mums part in the blessing. That's my job. But I'm good with writing words, so, i got time to put something great together. And I'm so excited for this amazing day.
I've been single for years. I had a small thing, a couple of months with a guy in Germany but it didn't amount to much. I've been on many dates and meet ups since then. And I've always wanted a partner.
Even more now that i know that i can bring a guest if it's someone I'm dating. I thought it was funny at first. But then, when they asked and said that i shouldn't try and find someone to bring to the wedding. But the more i think, the more i think, it's time. Its my time. I've spent so long, saying that love will come to me. But it's not my time just yet. Then wishing it away, when they say that they're not interested. Why would they be?!
There was a guy, I'd started seeing. I was really interested in him. But he just messed me around and wasted my time.
Now, I'm alone again.
I feel alone, in a room packed with people. They're looking at me, but not really. As they see right through me. But saying that they see me.
It's not about that anymore, it's not about trying to get a partner for the wedding. It's just a celebration to look forward to, and be well enough to enjoy. Crying of tears of joy and happiness, not sadness and despair.
My desire to have a partner comes from deep inside. It's my time. You won't stop me! That's right I'm talking to you, my depression and anxiety! You won't stop me from finding that being, whoever they may be.
Love you all always, and love myself forever. Xxxx
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