After a much needed catch with my mother, I have decided not to let my fear of not being good enough, get the better of me. I will not let it control me anymore.
For years, I'd let my fear get the better of me, and when things came up that I wanted and loved, I'd hide away, and blame my laziness on my mental health and not because my fear was controlling me. The more I went for something I wanted, the more I hid. In the end, I didn't even try, because the feeling of not being good enough or failure, was too much for me to bear, that I didn't even try.
Every art is different, there's fine art, landscapes, portraits, dots in the middle of the canvas. So many different types. Everyone is different and I have to be ok with that. If I don't get on the course in 2023, it isn't the end. I can apply elsewhere, and I can work harder to get on the course in 2024.
My application. I will choose my favourite photography's that I have taken, explain why I took them, why I chose them, and what I used to bring these to light. I will chose my best work, both in art and photos, and I will show me in my work.
And if I am not ready this time, it is not because I have failed, or I am any less important, just that I may need to work harder, and try again in a year.
I will not let my fear get the better of me. I know that it will take time, and patience to not hide and let it win, I have to keep willing myself out because I know that I can. And I will.
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