One day...

I'm worried that I will give up give up living give up loving give up and life and I'll be stuck with this empty carcass of myself

I have been fighting with myself all of my life and when I was younger, i felt like i had something to fight for. there was more going on, i had to fight myself to get through school, get through the pain, get through the looks and the unwanted touching.

get past the heartaches, and the sickness, and pain.

the feeling of heading through a dark tunnel, where the light is just out of reach. and no matter what, or how much i try to get to the end, to the light. i never do. im an adult now. and i still feel the same. as much as i know that i have family and friends who love and support me. i know that its there, i just dont always feel it. im worried, that one day,

ill stop. stop fighting. stop loving, stop living that i wont see the light, the beauty and the love in this world. that ill only see the dark, the pain and the despair. i dont want to think like this. and i hope i never get so far down the rabbit hole that i cant find my way up again. ill keep fighting, keep loving, keep living, but it'll be hard. and one day, im afraid, that ill give up. and give in. and lose sight of everything, and leave this world for good.