Where to start?
I sit here as I wonder, ponder on that exact object. I bet everyone does it at many different times of the day. They think about what their futures will look like.
I always say one think, but then say another. I feel a little disappointed by my family. They probably don't see me like that as I have done loads. But compare to the rest of my family, I feel as though I haven't done as much. But, truth I have done soooooo much.
Just not academically. Experiences I have done so much. But uni? And college? And bought a home and moved to another country and it worked out well. Or even have a strong knowledge, and shows a life to be worries about, bit doesn't show pain.
Fuck, who can't show pain these days.?!
I have tooo much
Maybe too much
Most people tell me to be happy, bit it's hard. It isn't easy, say"be happy, and then you'll be happy"
Because it ain't ture
I was happy one day, then sad and down the next. No matter how much you drink or pretend you're happy. Put on a face, say you're good but really dead inside. Especially at Christmas. That's the best time to pretend.
I don't know if I'll live to see the next Christmas.
And if I do, I won't be able to make the family Christmas eve or time
Not because I don't want too but because I can't.
I have many plans for my future, whether it'll all plan out is another problem
I want to write, and be an author. But I'm not sure I am good enough. Even though it's my love and passion.
And I could be something good, some day.
But I also want to work with mental health companies. Because if I can't help myself and work on my own mental health, hopefully I can do it for others.
I have been thinking about moving to Australia
Is that nuts?
Obviously after I've saved money and done at least a year or two at the hospital. Will they let me? Or will they hold me back?!. You know who you are....sorry.
Who knows if my plans will play out. But I know I need to get out. And travel the world. That is something I've always wanted to do.
Wouldn't that be nice to do it with something you love?, like writing.
Anyway, that's something I've been thinking about.
Merry Christmas Day everyone!!!
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